Guess that Ass

June 30, 2008

Ronaldo, widely recognized as the best player in the world, didn’t make the Euro 2008 all-star team or something like it. Now we know why, to busy keeping this lovely GTA girl happy. He’s been dating her since January, and it’s a role she clearly takes seriously, earlier this week she was spotted wearing a specially designed ‘R7′ logo diamond earring, in honour of her striker boyfriend.
Last year he dated our Wake UP With… jungle babe Gemma Atkinson, one super busy dude. No wonder he had nothing in the tank against the Germans!

Get this man Beer, cause’ he’s about to sing!

June 30, 2008

by Jon Dwyer…

I’ve always envied the crowd frenzy stirring in the stands at football (soccer) games. The only North American sport to rival the excitement at European and South American pitches is of a likened namesake…Football. If you go to a Philadelphia Eagles game it’s a distinct possibility that you may be punched in the face, robbed and/or generally humiliated unless you’re an Eagles fan, the same thing would happen if you went Anfield to watch your team play Liverpool.

What creates this kind of intimidation factor and general comradery amongst the likes of American Football and Soccer (Football) fans?

It’s the fucking songs!!!

Boys, we need songs!

Okay, I can hear the cries already,

-“There are no songs in NFL stadiums, and we’re quite happy about that”-

That’s true, but there is public drinking and tailgate BBQ’s! Drinking in public is outlawed in the City of Toronto (or so the drunk-tank attendant keeps telling me), so we need to take another approach. There is no way in the name of God (Jesus, Ala, you name him) that the City of Toronto, with its protestant ethic ingrained so deeply in public policies, that public drinking will ever become a legal reality. So, we’ll just have to carry on buying $11 beers in the Rogers Centre at Argos games and during the 6 Bills games were all nearly wetting ourselves in anticipation of.

But it’s not all lost on us; lets get some songs going boys!

Manchester United, my favourite Premiership squad, are known for their creative chants and taunts that rally not only the crowd, but the gents on the pitch as well (worked like a charm this year as the Red Devils took not only the Premiership title but the Champions League as well). Celtic and Liverpool supporters will “Never Walk Alone” while the Jordies in Newcastle possess a magical ability to express their devotion “to da lads” with a dialect yet to be deciphered by the most cunning linguist.

Sitting at my desk struggling with the idea of writing an Argos fight song, I hadn’t a bloody clue what to write. My creative poetic ability (at the moment) spans somewhere between Notorious BIG lyrics and something Bob Dylan said this morning; iPods will eventually rule us all. So, citing a lack of intelligence on my behalf I respectfully submit to the fans out there…


Write in a short fight song below that you think will rally Argos fans.

The following is a copy of the existing Argos fight song, honestly its garbage, can you do a better job?

Go Toronto Argos go go go
Pull together fight the foe foe foe
Scoring touchdowns for the blue on blue
The Argos will win for you

Full of Fight and Courage you cant stop
They’ll pile up points until they reach the top
Pull together till’ the grey cups won
Go Agros, Go Go Go

Come on people…

“Thanks for being with us - I hope you all get drunk tonight!”

June 30, 2008

by The Captain…

Girls with a FlagFireworks and car horns rang out across the Spanish capital after the final whistle blew.

“Thanks for being with us - I hope you all get drunk tonight!” midfielder Cesc Fabregas screamed into the television sets of fans watching across the country. Here in Toronto fans spilled on to College Street to celebrate the victory. I look it easy and didn’t get drunk, but I’m sure many are taking an extended Canada Day holiday. Happy Canada Day and Happy Spanish Day too.

Fernando Torres finally lived up to his billing as one of the world’s great strikers by scoring Sunday to give Spain a 1-0 win over Germany in the final.

It doesn’t always work out this way, you know. The best team doesn’t always win a high-level soccer tournament. But the best team won at Euro 2008 and no damn penalty kicks. Did I mention how much I despise tournaments being won on kicks, that’s like kicking field goals to decide the Super Bowl, or a Home Run Derby to see who will be world baseball champions, like shoot outs in hockey, okay at least not in the playoffs.

In what will be remembered as one of best and most exciting tournaments in recent memory, Spain capped it all off  with a fantastic performance in the final to win the top prize in Europe. From the opening day of Euro 2008 until now, Spain had been the most consistent team of the 16 participants, and it left no doubt after 90 minutes who should be the champions.

Sundin goes into Tuesday afternoon with a lot of options!

June 30, 2008

by Navin Vaswani…

Still no word from Mats Sundin. If he leaves, I think I’m ready. I’m holding out hope that he’ll return for another season in the blue and white. I’m holding out hope that, at the end of the day, he can’t put another jersey over his shoulders.

At the same time, I’m not upset that he hasn’t yet come to a decision when it comes to his future. He’d be a fool not to test the free agent market, set to open at high noon on Tuesday, July 1st. You’d do the same if you were in his position. He’s got to see what’s out there.
If Sundin does leave, I wish him nothing but success. He owes the Maple Leafs nothing. I’m sick and tired of hearing and reading that he does. Last week someone came at me with this gem: “Sundin should have done the honourable thing and let Toronto trade him, like Wendel Clark did.” Riiiiiiiight. Wendel had no say in the matter when he was dealt back in 1994. Wendel didn’t “let” the Leafs do anything. Because Wendel didn’t have a no-trade clause, mutually agreed upon by both player and team, negotiated into his contract.
With his negotiating rights transferred to Montreal, Sundin’s already got an offer from le bleu, blanc et rouge. If he wanted to sign with Montreal, I think he would have done it by now. On Tuesday, he’ll receive an offer from the Leafs (one-year, $7 million, and a no-movement clause), and likely ones from Detroit and the Rangers of New York.
I can’t help but be a bit tickled by the thought of Mats playing in Montreal. Sure, the Habs are our historic rivals, but we haven’t played them in the playoffs since we moved to the Eastern Conference and until that happens, the “rivalry” will always be a little dry. And just imagine Sundin in that lineup, in that building. It would be electric, playing with Alex Kovalev, Tomas Plekanec, the Kostitsyn brothers, Saku Koivu, and Chris Higgins. Montreal, with Sundin on board, would be quite the offensive juggernaut.
Don’t get me wrong, it would be intensely awkward. Sort of like going to Canada’s Wonderland as a youth on “Gay Day” (not that there’s anything wrong with that) but not knowing it was “Gay Day.” Yes, awkward like that. Umm, not that that’s ever happened to me before.
Detroit would also be a great match for Sundin. He can join the Swedish posse down there, and give himself the best chance to get his name engraved on the Stanley Cup.
As for New York, I see it as the least likely place Sundin ends up. Sure, it would be great to see Sundin play with talent the likes of Jaromir Jagr, Chris Drury and Scott Gomez, but I just don’t see it happening for some reason. Chalk it up to gut feeling. And for the record, my gut feeling is in mired in a serious slump at the plate.
A lot of people I speak to are bitching and moaning that Mats hasn’t yet made up his mind about whether he’s coming back to Toronto or not. They say he either knows or he doesn’t. I say that simply is not true. Sundin, as loyal and dedicated a Maple Leaf as there has ever been, has earned the right to make his decision on his own schedule. In a perfect world, Cliff Fletcher would know whether that $7 million allocated to Sundin can be spelt elsewhere tomorrow. But it ain’t a perfect world. Sundin can’t be faulted for taking the time he needs to make this critical decision.
Sometimes I feel like Sundin should bolt for greener pastures. Sometimes I feel like this city doesn’t deserve him. Not anymore. It saddens me to know that people are getting ready to burn his jersey and deny his tremendous legacy here in Toronto if he decides that, at this stage in his career, with the window quickly closing, he goes down another path. It seems all those years of service, all those goals, all those points, all those victories, they don’t count for anything.
Sundin goes into Tuesday afternoon with a lot of options. He will likely have, at one point or another, offers on the table from four of the NHL’s Original Six franchises. That is incredible. Which ever team he chooses, in my mind he’ll have made the right decision. I hope it’s Toronto. I hope he continues to lead this team as it heads, finally, in a new direction.
If Sundin leaves, I’ll be rooting for him and his new team. Loudly. Unapologetically. I will let the haters do the hating. Those who don’t like Sundin will always have their reasons to not like him. I think, actually, I’ve heard them all. Those who choose not to like him if he leaves via free agency on Tuesday (or later), with the Leafs netting nothing in return, are, well, simply bitter and petty.
Just remember that another former Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs, one Doug Gilmour, when he was a free agent in 2001, chose between two teams: the Montreal Canadiens and Ottawa Senators.
If Sundin leaves, I’ll be disappointed, of course. But I will harbour no ill will towards him. If he leaves, it will mark the end of one tremendous ride. Even after everything that went down these last few months - the trade deadline and the calls for Sundin to accept a trade and “help the Leafs” - let it never be said that Mats Sundin let down the Toronto Maple Leafs. It simply isn’t true. By never surrounding Sundin with the talent he deserved to play with - ironically, the same talent he can now go and find on another team - the Toronto Maple Leafs let Sundin down.
You’re free to leave the nest, Mats. Fly away, if that’s what your heart desires. I’ll never hold it against you.
But I’m still hoping he stays…

Check out Navins blog:

Remembering Game Seven 15 Years Later

June 30, 2008

by Joseph Cosentino…I remember the 1993 Stanley Cup Playoffs like it was yesterday. As you can see from my profile, the Toronto Maple Leafs are my favorite team in all of sports. There are the Toronto Raptors in the NBA, there are the Dallas Cowboys in the NFL, and, of course, you got the Toronto Blue Jays in MLB as my other favorite teams in the four professional sports leagues.

I have seen the Cowboys and the Jays win major championships, but have not seen the Raptors and the Leafs. I’ll give the Raptors a pass since they have only been in inception since 1995. However, there is no team in all of sports that I would live and die for than the Toronto Maple Leafs.

The 1993 Stanley Cup playoffs were an incredible ride to be on as a follower of the Maple Leafs—this was the first time in 14 years that they were able to ice a competitive team.

They hired Cliff Fletcher to be their GM in 1991, and he turned the team around in a hurry. He hired Pat Burns in 1992 after he was fired in Montreal and he also orchestrated the Big Nine player deal, in which they acquired Doug Gilmour from Calgary. He also made some key trades that got them Dave Andreychuk.

The Leafs finished the 1993 season with 99 points—a 32 point improvement from the previous year and good enough for third place in the Norris Division. They entered the playoffs riding on the young goaltending of Felix Potvin and the heart and soul of captain Wendel Clark and Doug Gilmour.

In the first round, they beat the Detroit Red Wings in 7 games on an overtime winner from Nikolai Borschevsky. In the second round, they beat the St. Louis Blues in another wild seven-game series, culminating with a 6-0 thrashing in game 7.

The stage was set and the excitement was building.

The Leafs were Norris Division Champs and about to face Wayne Gretzky and the Los Angeles Kings in the Campbell Conference Final, with the winner going to the Stanley Cup final, to play the Montreal Canadiens.

Fast forward to Game 6, the Leafs were up 3-2 in the series, and one game away from going to the final to face the Montreal Canadiens in what would have been an outstanding original six Stanley Cup finals match up. The Leafs were down 4-1 early in the third period of this game, but Wendel Clark showed the courage to bring this team back with three quick goals. The game was tied at 4-4 going into overtime. A few minutes into the extra session, Wayne Gretzky high-sticked Doug Gilmour across the face, and what I thought would have been a power play for Toronto turned out to be a non-call. Kerry “Friecken” Frasier does not call a penalty on Gretzky, and the rest is history, as he scores the winner a few minutes after that.

Series was tied at 3-3, although Game Six was a game that should have been ours, but got away, because of Kerry “Frieken” Frasier. It was alright though, because we had the Kings in our barn for Game 7.

It was May 29th, 1993 and the atmosphere around the city was electric. We were one game away from playing Montreal in the Stanley Cup finals and I had just bought a T-shirt that read “26 years is long enough”, referring to the Leafs’ Cup drought at the time.

The game started out as a back-and-forth affair. The Kings scored the first two goals in the first period, and the Leafs fought back to make it 2-2. However, Gretzky made it 3-2, but once again, the Leafs returned favors as they had been all year long to make it 3-3 just before the end of the second period.

The third period was an all-out back-and-forth affair. Both teams were trading chances and it looked like the game would go the Leafs’ way until Los Angeles scored to make it 4-3 with five minutes left. To add salt to the wounds, Gretzky would complete his hat trick by scoring a goal off the back of Dave Ellet’s skate from behind the net.

Ellet would score to make it 5-4 with just a minute left, but the mad rush near the end was to no avail. The Leafs, after playing 21 games in 42 nights, had their magical run come to an end.

I couldn’t believe that a team with Kelly Hrudey backstopping them, had advanced to play Montreal. I was heartbroken, and couldn’t stop crying until my oldest brother told me to stop acting like a baby. “They had come this far, we should be proud of them,” he said.

Years later I would find out that an article in the Toronto Star had been written prior to Game Six about how Gretzky had been playing with a piano on his back. I think that was all the motivation Gretzky needed to proclaim this game as his best game ever, performance-wise.

The Leafs would make it to the Conference Finals three more times between 1994 – 2002. However, never had they come so close and never were the stakes so high, than that fateful night on May 29, 1993.

Caption Contest

June 29, 2008

Is that a croc in your pocket

June 29, 2008

DARWIN, Australia —  Drinkers at an Outback watering hole may have wondered if perhaps they’d had one too many when they were greeted by a crocodile at the pub’s door. But being good hosts, they did the only polite thing and invited him inside. Barmaid Sarah Sparre said Thursday that three patrons spotted the creature outside the pub, grabbed it and brought it inside. “You could say we were a bit surprised,” Sparre said. “He was pretty complacent, easygoing. But we weren’t going to test him out.”

And the rest of the story goes that the bartender yells at the guy to get that crocodile out of the bar, but the guy insists it isn’t dangerous. So to prove it, he whacks the croc on the head with a hammer to get it to open its mouth. Then he sticks his Johnson in the crocodile’s mouth and holds it there for a full minute and nothing happens. Then the guy asks if anyone else in the bar wants to try it. So an old lady steps forward and says “I’ll give it a shot. But just go easy with the hammer.”

I for one havn’t missed a match

June 28, 2008

by The Captain…

German Fan

Spain are through to the final of Euro 2008 for the first time in 24 years. On Sunday, Spain will seek its first title since 1964 while the Germans seek their fourth since 1972..

“Now we’ve got a team in front of us which is Germany and that’s a very big challenge,” said Aragones, who more than lived up to his nickname as “the Wise Man of Hortaleza” by the tactics he employed to foil Russia.

Aragones’ team is now unbeaten in 21 consecutive matches.

Germany had a tougher time of it in their semi final, in fact Germany have looked dodgy all tournament except in the first game against Poland, yet here they are.

Spain have been by far the more impressive of the two nations and their only real stumble on the road to the Final (if you can call it that) was the 0-0 draw with Italy in the Quarter Finals.

When the championship opened, Germany was the favorite. But the competition was wide open, with up to nine of the 16 teams looking capable of winning a title considered tougher to earn than the World Cup because of the strength of the field. The early pacesetters were Spain, Portugal, the Netherlands and Croatia, who all won their groups after just two games.

After a month of creative soccer, stunning comebacks and many
upsets, Euro 2008 concludes Sunday with an enticing matchup.

It is a Beautiful Game my friends, I for one haven’t missed a match.

Wanna Have Sex With Tony Parker’s Wife?

June 28, 2008

Now everyone can! Well, sorta. Pipedream Products (link NSFW) has put out some ridiculous blow up dolls featuring Tony Parker’s wife Eva Longoria as well as Tony Romo’s ex girlfriend Jessica Simpson amongst other famous female celebrities. So all you lonely dicks with no chance of ever seeing a real live woman naked, can now get some action with the same hot women your favorite athletes do. Thats some sick shit here. By the way my birthday is coming up soon!!

Maple Leafs Notes: Raycroft Waived Again, Avery To T.O., Stajan Qualified

June 28, 2008

by Derek Harmsworth…

Raycroft Placed On Unconditional Waivers

The Toronto Maple Leafs announced today that they have placed goaltender Andrew Raycroft on unconditional waivers, and it is likely his contract will be bought out sometime before the June 30th deadline.

After posting a franchise tying 37 wins two year ago, Raycroft was only able to play his way to two wins, in nineteen games.

Avery To Toronto?

The Toronto Sun is reporting that pending free agent super pest Sean Avery has softened his stance on playing in Canada, and may even be interested in playing in his hometown GTA.

Avery is the pest of all pests, but is also a highly effective player, who can fight, score goals, and throw opponents off their games like no other.

GM Cliff Fletcher has stated many times he wants the Leafs to be tougher and play with more of an edge this season.

However, it will not be a cheap move for the Maple Leafs should they go after Avery.

Sources are saying the Pickering, Ontario native may be asking for upwards of $4 million dollars a season.

Stajan Qualified, Captain In Waiting?

Just to clear things up, the Toronto Maple Leafs have extended a qualifying offer to restricted free agent forward Matt Stajan.

However, the qualifying offer was only the beginning.

The Maple Leafs extended the offer in order to retain his rights, but it is still likely the two sides will work on a deal and are likely headed to arbitration.

Also Damien Cox has an article right now on the Toronto Star website saying young Matt Stajan could be a perfect fit for the next Maple Leafs captain.

Despite being a second or third line centre, Stajan has showed he has a smart defensive game, and tremendous leadership abilities.

Stajan was named the Maple Leafs NHLPA player rep during the lockout, and is the annual organizer of Toronto’s Hockey Fights Cancer night.

It’s A Long Weekend

Finally, another long weekend is here for us to enjoy, and I hope you all enjoy it to the fullest.

As many of you readers know, I have a steady girlfriend (virtually a wife) and a three year old son who I will be enjoying the weekend with.

I will of course jump in during times this weekend should something big happen with the Maple Leafs, otherwise I will return this Tuesday to cover the free agent frenzy.

Enjoy the weekend.

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