Five Reasons why Canucks are at the XXIX Summer Olympics

by Michelle C. Williams… (Because obviously they didn’t go there to win medals)

5. To see real athletes
Don’t we all wish we could be in Beijing watching people make history like gymnast Yang Wei and sprinter Usain Bolt? Clearly athletes like our women’s swimming relay team, who came in dead last, must be taking note of what real athletes (who are usually American or Chinese) look like.

4. So that RBC, HBC, Roots Canada and so many other sponsors don’t feel cheated
Historic supporter of Canadian athletes fund their trip to the Olympics and sometimes even fund their training. So even if after our athletes train and realize that they have no chance of winning they still have to go, not to try to win but to sport the red and white hoodies that are exclusively available at The Bay.

3. Because we do whatever the U.S. does
They invade Afghanistan, we do too. They have American Idol, we have Canadian Idol. They go to Iraq and begin the never ending war and we…well we didn’t go to Iraq but there does seem to be a trend with us following behind our “big brother”. They’re competing in the Olympics, so gosh darn it we will too. Even if our athletes are no competition for them.

2. We don’t want to offend China by not going
With all the talk about countries not wanting to support the Olympics in Beijing, us not showing up would look like we don’t like China and not that we don’t have good enough athletes to compete.

And the number one reason why we are at the 2008 XXIX Summer Olympics is because we are the only country in the world that actually rewards athletes just for going
It may seem like a shame when athletes from certain countries are threatened to ensure they win a medal but what’s even worse is that here we have athletes like Perdida Felicien, who hasn’t won a single medal at an Olympics, on cereal boxes and in ads campaigns for major companies.

In the states you have to be a real athlete like Lance Armstrong (cancer survivor and Olympic cycling medalist) and swimmer Michael Phelps (holder of the record for the most medals of any Olympic athlete) to get on a Wheaties box. Even then your time is limited because you will be ousted but the next star athlete.

Note: The above was written by a very patriotic Canadian who just wants her country to do better in world competition. No disrespect to Mongolia or Tajikistan but how the heck did they get a medal before us?