Guess That Ass, I double dare you!

Now, you’re thinking, man it’s the last long weekend of the summer. The Ex is almost over, time to go back to school, or maybe you bumped into your snow shovel on the way home from that fucking incredible traffic jam…life sucks, right? Wrong my friends, you come to T.O. Sports, and what do you see, the best GTA we’ve put up yet. I mean this chick is so hot! I feel like packing my bags and moving to California or maybe Aussie land. Enjoy the weekend, and make sure you Guess That Ass! “nome same”?

Only Available in Canada

by Jamie Uyeyama… You know what I hate? I hate that there are things in the States that we Canadians can’t get up here. Why can’t we have Milky Way when we want it? Why can’t we have a Jack in the Box drive thru open late after the bar? Are we not good enough to get ESPN or HBO?

It’s just not fair.

Sure, we have ketchup chips, Coffee Crisp, and Timmy Ho’s, but are you telling me you would not trade all of these things for chance to buy a slice at Sbarro every time you go to the mall? I would in a heartbeat. (Ok, maybe I wouldn’t include the ketchup chips in the deal.)

The sad thing is that Americans tend to take all of the things we call our own and it’s not even a blip on the radar to them when something like MTV eventually makes its way to us in Canada. They even take our celebrities!

That’s kind of the way it works. You can’t blame anyone for reaching for the fame and fortune that exists down south, but it’s nice to have some celebrities that we can claim all to ourselves… at least for now.

So with that in mind, here are the top ten women who, as of right now, are only available to Canadian audiences.

10. Dina Pugliese

If you live outside of the T dot then maybe you are not as familiar with Dina as everyone around here is (she hosts Breakfast Television on City TV in Toronto). I got a chance to first see her as the host of Much Music’s VJ search and my immediate reaction was, “Where the hell has Much Music been hiding this girl?” CHUM should can Leah Miller and her gargantuan cranium and get Dina involved in Much Music more. I think she might be over the age limit to appear on a music channel, but we can all make an exception.

9. Sugar from YTV

I know what you guys are thinking, but she’s actually 28 years old. She was the first kinda sorta celebrity that I encountered when I moved to TO and let’s just say she has grown up a bit from here days of introducing Pokemon.

8. Sarah Meehan

If you’ve seen her on Drive This on Hardcore Sports Radio and the Score then you know that she’s smart, hot, and likes sports. What else is there in life?

7. Natalie Brown

Is there anything worse than the promotion of terrible shows on CBC during the Olympics? I almost stopped watching the Salt Lake City Olympics because of the ads for Tom Stone. This year at least they had one promo that didn’t make you want to flip to NBC when they showed Natalie Brown in a show called Sophie. Will I ever watch a full episode of Sophie? Ummm, no. But I might stick around for a minute or two because of Natalie Brown.

6. Eva Avila

Winning Canadian Idol is the kiss of death for a music career. I’m sorry to say that, none of the winners have ever gone on to anything greater than having modest success in Canada. Even worse is that if you win you will forever be linked to Ryan Malcolm. Who ever thought winning something would be a no win situation? At least Eva Avila will be able to stick around longer than most Canadian Idol’s based on looks alone.

5. Sara Orlesky

The Canadian version of Erin Andrews. In other words she is probably about a 7.5 but moves up to a 9 because she is a sports reporter.

4. Jessi Cruickshank

You know how there are some girls who might not catch your eye the first time, but they just start to grow on you? That’s Jessi from MTV Canada. Maybe it’s the red hair. Whatever it is, she just wins you over.

3. Lauren Toyota

First of all, there is no way her real last name is Toyota. She definitely changed it for television purposes. She is definitely half Japanese though and everybody knows I’ve got nothing but love for all halfers. She is presently the host of Going Coastal on Much Music and the cool thing about her is that she can’t be classified as a traditional beauty. She is a lot closer to a Suicide Girl than a girly girl. Not going to lie, I think that is what I like most about her. Oh yeah, and I did I mention that she is half Japanese?

2. Sitara Hewitt

Who would have guessed that an actress from CBC’s Little Mosque on the Prairie would be on this list? Well, I guess anyone would have guessed it if they saw what Sitara Hewitt looked like. If she lived in the US then she would definitely be featured in the Maxim Hot 100. I’m officially nominating her to replace Mena Suvari in next year’s edition. Actually I’ll take anyone over Mena Suvari, but if it is Hewitt then that would be even better.

1. Hannah Simone

There are a select few people who are destined to leave Canada for greater things and those same people are the ones that you don’t ever want to leave. Hannah Simone is one of those few. She’s just too damn good to be on Much Music. Too good looking and too smart. That means that one day we won’t get to see her on Canadian TV anymore. So savour the flavour while it lasts. Kind of like a bag of ketchup chips.

For more you can check out his blog Top Cheddar at www.topcheddar.com.

Hey McCabe… just beat it!

by Aaron O’connell… With a whopping five goals to go along with 18 assists in just 54 games, not to mention a nice fat or should I say overweight salary, Bryan McCabe is surely one of the top defensemen in the NHL.

Maybe if these stats were 2007-2008 power play points. Lets make something clear if a defenseman making over $7 million a year gathers just over 20 points and is a minus two, to me it’s, well, pretty fucking horrible.

And I’m sure nobody forgets those two or three pretty tape-to-tape breakaway feeds to the opposing teams, which in my mind should count against McCabe’s stats if the other team manages to put the puck in the back of the net.

So with all that said Bryan McCabe made over $300, 000 a point last season and as a Leafs fan you have to think the name Van Ryan would look pretty good on the back of the blue and white jerseys for the 08-09 season.

It has been said that new head coach Ron Wilson is high on the Pavel Kubina and will probably place him on the back end of the power play along with Tomas Kaberle so there is really no reason the Leafs shouldn’t send McCabe to Florida for Mike Van Ryan.

I mean McCabe did score 80 per cent of his goals on the power play but when you do the math, those goals add up to the number of one of the greatest defensemen of all time, Mr. Bobby Orr.

I think it’s funny when people say that McCabe is a power play specialist when to me the Leafs have to play short-handed every time he steps on the ice. If the Leafs were down two men on a five-on-three they could put McCabe out as a fourth and probably get away with it.

I’m sure he didn’t fall into the trap of overpaid Toronto athletes who perform miserably in there first year after signing for the big bucks. I think his success in the past was just a fluke.

We all remember when Vince Carter signed his huge deal with the Raptors and then went for a shit the following year. He even said that he was giving 100 per cent every game, which, coming from an athlete, is unheard of.

And then Vernon Wells signed a huge contract with the Jays and followed up with a less than par season.

Don’t get me wrong. I would never compare Bryan McCabe to those two professional athletes because it’s incomparable, it just goes to show that money doesn’t buy winning. But I’m sure $7 million would buy McCabe a beautiful home right on the beach in Florida where he can relax and like when he’s on the ice, go unnoticed while he watches the waves crash to shore.

And hey you can’t be a minus while you’re at the beach.

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