by Adam Wright…
Since leaving the WWE, rumors have been swirling about this. Last week it was reported that those rumors are indeed true!
Hardcore Legend Mick Foley has agreed to terms with rival company TNA.
The details of the deal have not yet been released. It is unsure at what capacity Foley will be apart of the company.
His contract with the WWE expires at the end of August. The last time we saw Foley on television was during the much talked-about segment with Edge. During this segment, Foley urged Edge to find The Edge that he once called the best pro-wrestler in the business.
Edge got the message loud and clear. After attacking with Foley, he layed him on a table and jumped on him, off a ladder. Foley indeed un-leached the inner Edge.
Now the legend is off to TNA. Foley is mostly remembered for extreme matches. He has put his body on the line countless times, causing several injuries. Nobody will forget his match against The Undertaker in the brutal Hell in a Cell.
We know him as Mankind, as Dude Love, but most famously, as Cactus Jack. His days in ECW and WWE will not soon be forgotten.
A possible TNA debut could be during the Pay Per View “No Surrender” on Sept. 14.
As a WWE fan, I would like to say good luck to Foley.
by Adam Wright… Just week’s away from WWE Unforgiven, the company has lost one of its biggest stars due to injury.
Arguably the most love/hated Superstar in the WWE, John Cena has suffered a herniated disc in his neck at Summerslam. The injury happened during his match against Batista.
Cena will need surgery and will be out indefinitly. This means that a replacement will be named for RAW’s Championship Scramble match later tonight on RAW.
This is a tough break for Cena, who just came back at last year’s Royal Rumble from a torn pectoral muscle injury.
Indeed, this is a tough break for the WWE as well. John Cena is one of the most popular performers in the company—whether you love him or hate him—and he gets the crowd going. However, RAW has a big roster and can cope with his loss.
Who will be named as Cena’s replacement for Unforgiven? Tune in later to find out!
by Adam Wright… This week, the Pro Wrestling world was shaken by the sudden news that TNA Knockout Gail Kim is leaving the company.
Kim’s last TNA match aired last night on TNA Impact, when she fought her rival Awesome Kong in a Street Fight.
Her departure from the company leaves a big hole in the TNA Knockout division, which was gaining steam. Kim is said to be the one responsible of putting TNA’s women’s division on the map.
Now that a contract dispute has ended her time in TNA, it is expected that she will return to where she started…The WWE.
Gail Kim made her televised WWE debut in 2002. She entered a seven-woman Battle Royal. The rookie, who was inspired by fellow Canadian Trish Stratus, shocked the fans when she captured the WWE Women’s Title in her first match with the company!
She stayed with the WWE until she was released in late 2004.
After some time in the indy circuits and in Japan, she re-emerged on the main stage in late 2005, this time with the rival company TNA. She entered the company when the women’s division was non-existent.
Nearly two years after she joined TNA, the company finally introduced a title for the Women’s Division—the TNA Knockout Championship. In October of 2007, the first ever TNA Knockout Champion was crowned, and it was none other than Gail Kim!
From there, she elevated the status of the Knockout Division. Some say that she elevated it above WWE’s Diva division. She competed in Cage matches, Street Fights, Ladder Matches, and so much more.
Now that she leaves TNA, what’s in store for her in the WWE?
There’s no doubt in my mind that she is the top contender for one of the two women’s titles in the WWE. But what brand would she be better utilized in?
My vote goes to Smackdown! Unlike RAW, who has a lot of talent such as Mickie James, Beth Phoenix, Candice Michelle, Katie Lea, and more, Smackdown needs more depth in their women’s division.
Smackdown is also lacking “face” divas. Kim was the top “face” in TNA, so she would fit in perfectly on Smackdown. And the eventual matchup against Natalya makes it even a better! Both are great in the ring, and no doubt the can pull off a memorable feud. The eventual rekindling of a feud against Victoria is also in the cards.
No doubt in my mind that her return to the WWE will help the women’s division. Whichever brand she goes to, the title is not far from her reach. Can she re-elevate the division where it was in the 1990s-early 2000s with Trish Stratus, Lita, Jazz, Molly Holly, Victoria, and more?
So we wait and see for Gail Kim’s comeback to the WWE. Let’s all hope they utilize her so she can show her talent that we’ve seen in TNA.
by Adam Wright… A blockbuster matchup has just been announced for the WWE’s next Pay-Per-View, Unforgiven.
Just minutes ago, RAW General Manager Mike Adamle made the special announcement. It will be a brand new WWE concept called a “Championship Scramble”.
The match will have five participants. Five men will walk into the ring at Unforgiven to compete in a 20-minute match. All five men can score a pin fall or submission victory within the 20-minute time limit.
The five participants include the World Champion CM Punk, JBL, Kane, John Cena, and Batista. The person who scores a victory in that 20 minutes becomes the new World Champion. But the match will continue until the time runs out.
Whoever is holding the World Title after 20 minutes will walk out of Unforgiven the World Champion.
No doubt this is an original idea, but I’m not sure if I like this number padding. In this match, all five men can become World Champion at some time in this match, adding to their career numbers. We could even see someone win it multiple times within the time limit.
It does make for an interesting concept. And it is almost impossible to predict who will walk out of Unforgiven the WWE World Champion.
Let’s just hope we don’t see too much “number padding”.
by Adam Wright…
WWE’s Summerslam is billed as one of the biggest Pay Per Views of the year. Just to be apart of this event is an honour for any WWE Superstar, but to main event Summerslam, it means that much more!
With that said, who will have the honour to main event this year?
This year’s Summerslam has booked two World Title matches, but I doubt either will be picked as the main event.
The WWE Title match-up between Triple H vs. The Great Khali is painfully obvious the outcome. No to mention the quality of the match. How good of a match can we expect from The Great Khali? How the hell will Triple H manage to hit his signature “Pedigree” on Khali? Either way, Triple H walks out still WWE Champion.
The World Title match will feature CM Punk defending his Title against J.B.L. This match is much less predictable. Will they keep the Title on CM Punk? Or will “The Wrestling God” reign supreme? But unfortunately, this match is not a “main event” match-up either. Not to mention the possible interference that will end the match. I’m looking at you Kane!
So, what will main event Summerslam?
There’s two obvious choices!
The first is the blockbuster match-up of two of the biggest stars of the company today. For the first time ever, John Cena will face Batista. This match is so hard to predict, it could go either way. I’m HOPING for a Batista victory (because I’m over the age of 15).
This match is one of the most awaited in recent history, but the build-up to it has been way to quick. I can see this feud continuing, and I don’t think it will main event Summerslam.
That leaves one match! One possibility that should Main Event Summmerslam. Two of the biggest stars in the last decade in a feud in one of the hottest feuds of the past year. Of course I’m talking about Edge vs. The Undertaker in a Hell in a Cell match.
This match-up needs no additional hype. You have The Undertaker, a legend of the ring, against Edge, one of the most extreme superstars, in a Hell in a Cell! We’ve seen Edge take serious bumps in “Table, Ladders and Chairs” matches, but he has never stepped into The Undertaker’s playground, Hell in a Cell.
Smackdown General Manager Vickie Guerrero ordered this match up to make Edge pay for his sins. She “reinstated” The Undertaker to punish him in his match. But as we saw these past weeks, who is punishing who?
After Mick Foley woke up the inner Edge, we’ve seen a part of Edge that we’ve never seen before. Borderline psychotic. He has shown us these past weeks how brilliant he is with the mic, and why I call him the best heel in the business.
Edge certainly is ready for The Undertaker’s return. No matter the result of the match, it will no doubt be a match for the books.
This could very well be the best Hell in a Cell match EVER! And that is why it should Main Event Summerslam.
by Adam Wright… For those awaiting the return of “The Legend Killer” Randy Orton, I come to you with this bad news.
WWE.com is reporting that Orton was involved in a motorcycle accident, which re-injured his collarbone.
Orton will now be sidelined for another three months.
The original injury happened this past June at “One Night Stand” in a match against Triple H. Orton was thrown out of the ring, and landed straight on his collarbone.
He was expected to return any time now, but with this news, we still await the return of Randy Orton to the WWE.
by Adam Wright… In the WWE, I doubt that there’s another in the company with worse luck than Mr. Kennedy.
When he captured Money In The Bank at Wrestlemania a couple years ago, he had to relinquish it to Edge, due to an injury that put him out for months until he was drafted to RAW.
Upon his return, there were big plans for the Loud Mouth from Green Bay. It was expected that Kennedy himself would of been revealed as Vince McMahon’s illegitimate child. But, yet again, plans were changed because Kennedy was suspended in violation of the WWE Wellness Program.
After serving his suspension, he returned to RAW, but just managed to putter around. Fans were screaming to push this talent. Our prayers might have been answered when Kennedy was drafted back to his home…Smackdown!
Last week, we saw an incredible match-up between Mr. Kennedy and the U.S Champion Shelton Benjamin. Kennedy scored the non-title pinfall, which no doubt made him the No. 1 Contender for Benjamin’s title.
Cue the curse!
During a SD/ECW house show last Monday, Kennedy suffered a dislocated shoulder in a match against Benjamin. It is expected that he will be out of action at least a few weeks, depending an MRI.
This would mean their program will be put on hold, which means another missed opportunity from this very talented superstar.
Kennedy, on behalf on all WWE fans, we wish you a good and quick recovery.
by Adam Wright… The show begins with a very well done video of last week’s huge announcement. I’ve been saying it for years, the people who make and edit these videos for the WWE are very underrated. It begins normally as Edge apologize, but then as Vickie talks, the screen goes into a very dramatic shot. We see flashes of The Undertaker and the Hell in a Cell. The chilling video ends with Vickie Guerrero laughing in slow motion. Great way to pump us for this match at Summerslam
Pyros go off as J.R and Mick Foley welcomes us to Friday Night Smackdown. They announce tonight’s Cutting Edge, with a mystery guest.
The Hershey crowd gives Jeff Hardy a huge pop as he makes his way down the ring. Jeff Hardy then takes a steel chair and sits to watch the following match.
Match #1 - MVP vs. Jimmy Wang Yang
MVP cuts a promo before his match, talking to Jeff Hardy. He says because of his risky behaviour, Hardy will never be WWE Champion.
Note that Wang didn’t even get to do his entrance.
The match begins as MVP takes the early advantage, as Jeff Hardy watches on from the outside. As MVP continues his assault on Jimmy Wang Yang, he yells at Hardy.
Wang finally gets offence going with a heel kick to the back of the head. He goes for a risk manoeuvre off the top ropes, but MVP hits a gut buster.
MVP then hits a brutal kick on Wang, to make the pin
Hardy comes in the ring, and yells at MVP for what he said last week. After a stare-down, Jeff Hardy hits a Twist of Fate on MVP!
The Wright Take: This was a very short match, but the purpose was to continue the Hardy vs. MVP feud. Jeff actually showed some decent mic skills tonight, which is a rare occurrence.
J.R tells us this will not be the last of Jeff Hardy we see tonight, as he will be facing the new #1 contender, The Great Khali, later that night.
As we return from commercial, we see Chavo Guerrero pushing Vickie’s wheelchair. Vickie sees Edge’s new mistress and gives he a look as she enters her office.
Match #2 - Mr. Kennedy vs. Shelton Benjamin (Non-Title)
Kennedy does his usual promo, letting the crowd play along with him as he does his thing with the mic.
Out comes the The U.S. Champion Shelton Benjamin. J.R. says Benjamin could be the best athlete to ever hold the U.S. Title.
As the match begins, Kennedy yells his name at the Champion, but The Gold Standard gets in the early hits. But Kennedy quickly recovers and tries for a Mic Check, but Benjamin rolls out of the ring.
Back in the ring, Kennedy and Benjamin jockey for position. As both hit near falls, J.R. and Foley tout these two young superstars. The crowd is behind Kennedy as the smack-talker hits a swinging-kick. Before the commercial break, Benjamin shoves Kennedy’s shoulder into the ring post.
Shelton Benjamin is working Kennedy’s shoulder as we come back from commercial. Benjamin hits an impressive shoulder-breaker, which kind of looked like a pile-driver, expect focused on the shoulder. After several near falls, and submission attempts, Kennedy finally fights back with a half Boston-Crab. The Champion reaches the ropes.
Kennedy hits some near falls of himself, but to no avail. After a boot to the face, Kennedy hits the Mic Check for the pin fall victory
Winner: Mr. Kennedy
The Wright Take: This was a great match for both men involved. It’s great to see Kennedy FINALLY get a victory, it’s great to see this feud continue, and most of all it’s great to see Kennedy going for a Title! I’m hoping for a Ladder Match between the two down the road.
After the match Eve runs out to interview Benjamin. He says he lost the match because of a bronchitis.
Backstage, we see the Edge-Heads and Chavo. They are wondering who is Edge’s special guest tonight.
Jeff Hardy vs. Khali is hyped again for tonight.
Match #3 - The Brian Kendrick vs. Stevie Richards
Kendrick makes his way to the ring with his bodyguard Izichio.
Before the match, Kendrick does a promo, talking how he’s always been this way. He formed a tag team with Paul London to get his foot in the door, but he never cared about the fans.
Out comes Stevie Richards. The crowd has been quiet since the Kennedy/Benjamin match ended.
Kendrick starts the match with a series of kicks. Then he locks a series of holds, including a move that looks identical to the Walls Of Jericho.
Richards finally shows life, hitting kicks, and a Power Bomb. Richards then kicks Kendrick out of the ring, but the bodyguard catches him.
Kendrick hits “The Kendrick” for the win.
Winner: The Brian Kendrick
The Wright Take: I’m tired of hearing Kendrick’s name so much during a match. Even his finisher is his name! The match was very one sided, looking forward to see what they do with THE Kendrick.
After the match, Izichio attack Richards.
Hardy vs. Khali is hyped yet again for later tonight
The Wright Take: For those counting, this is the 3rd time this match is hyped in less than 45 minutes. Looks like the WWE thinks we have the attention span of an infant.
We now see Edge arriving backstage as we go to commercial.
Match #4 - The Great Khali vs. Jeff Hardy
WHAT? I didn’t know about this match-up!
Khali comes to the ring with Singh. J.R calls Khali a mountain of a man.
Hardy comes out again to a great ovation from the crowd. Let’s all hope MVP is a good sport, and doesn’t ruin this GREAT match!
The bell rings, as we see the size difference between Khali and Hardy. Jeff tries everything to knock the giant down, but Khali doesn’t even budge.
The fans chant “Hardy” as the #1 contender is dominating. Khali continues his dominance for what seems to be forever.
Hardy somehow tries to get on the top rope, but Khali just knocks him down as he crashes and burns for the commercial break.
We are back in the ring with Khali continuing his attack as we get back from commercial. The crowd somehow finding the energy to chant Hardy’s name.
Whisper in the Wind by Hardy! Followed by a Swanton Bomb! It’s over… but wait! MVP comes out. But why!
Hardy sees MVP and pushes him off the ropes, but Khali pulls Hardy from his hair back in the ring. As MVP eggs Khali on, he locks the Khali Vice Grip on Hardy. The ref calls for the bell.
Winner: The Great Khali
The Wright Take: Seeing Khali in a match is as entertaining as listening to a John Cena promo. Both very painful! I guess this match served two purposes. First it showed how Khali can dominate a match (and kill a crowd). Second, this furthers the Jeff Hardy and MVP, which I think is the positive out of this. Ineteresting that the WWE Champion himself Triple H did not make an appearance (most likely because of the birth of his and Stephanie’s baby).
R-Truth promo airs.
Match #5 - Maria vs. Victoria
After weeks of hype, Maria makes her Smackdown debut, looking lovely in Smackdown blue.
Her opponent Victoria makes her way to the ring. No doubt she will welcome Maria to Smackdown with arms wide open.
The match begins with Victoria using his strength against Maria. Victoria hits a series of slams and locks, but Maria keeps kicking-out.
Maria fights out of Victoria’s Full-Nelson. She hits a series of kicks, and a clothesline. Off the top rope flying clothesline! Maria pins.
The Wright Take: It is GREAT to see Maria, but why should Victoria be the one doing the “job”? Maryse would of been a better opponent for Maria. I’m still waiting for Victoria’s Title push!
We see Edge talking to Alicia Fox. He tells her he wanted her to sit in the crowd, and he wants her to see his Cutting Edge.
As we return from commercial, we get our mandatory dose of Triple H. And since he can’t be there tonight, we see a very flashy video package.
Foley and J.R hype the announced WWE Summerslam matches.
Match #6 - The Big Show vs. Domino
Big Show comes down to the ring, as we go to commercial.
The Wright Take: Apparently, a Triple H promo and a Big Show entrance is way to much… we need another commercial break!
Domino is now in the ring as we get back form commercial. I have a feeling Domino will wish he was on the other side of tracks right now!
Big Show first throws Domino out of the ring, then slams him to the mat. Domino then takes off his shirt, because obviously that was the problem!
Shirt or not, Domino gets chokeslamed!
Winner: Big Show
As the ref checks on Domino, Big Show celebrates his squash victory. All of sudden, out comes the Samoan Bulldozer Umaga. As he enters the ring, the two big men stare at each other. They circle each other, sizing each other up.
The Wright Take: Note that the Umaga/Big Show stare down lasted longer than the match. This feud is your classic big man vs. big man. I’m hoping Umaga gets a manager to do his promos, or they make his start talking. If so, this could be an interesting feud. Both great workers.
Backstage, Chavo is talking to Vickie, still wondering who will be Edge’s special guest on the Cutting Edge, which is next.
The Cutting Edge
As we get back from commercial, Edge comes out to the ring to a chorus of booos. J.R and Foley are wondering who will Edge’s special guest be tonight.
In the ring, a table, ladder and chair is set up. Edge grabs the chair and sits down slowly as the crowd booos.
Edge begins to say that he’s been searching for inner peace all week. His life is falling apart, and to add to that, he will have to face The Undertaker in a Hell in a Cell.
The crowd chants “Undertaker”. Edge says he has studied footage of Hell in a Cell. All the cruelty, all the pain, all the suffering. All this in the hands of The Undertaker in the Cell. Edge than says that he is comfortable tonight with a table, ladder and chair in the ring.
Then he goes to say who knows someone who can help him get ready for the match. Someone who knows Taker, and who’s Hell in a Cell. His guest tonight… MICK FOLEY!
Foley is shocked as the fans chant “Foley”. Mick Foley agrees to get in the ring, but is confused. Edge says despite their past, he is a changed man.
Edge then shows Foley a video package of “The Attitude Era”. DX, The Rock, Stone Cold… the good ol’ days. Then we see The Undertaker and the Hell in a Cell. Highlights of Taker throwing Foley off the Cell are shown. Foley’s bloodies and broken body is shown. Will that be the legacy of the Hardcore Legend?
The video ends as the crowd chants Foley. Edge says even after 10 years, he still feels that match, feels what Taker did to him. He then says that it burns Foley inside knowing how that match changed him.
Edge asks for Foley’s help to defeat The Undertaker. He says it would be Foley’s redemption.
Foley agrees with most of what Edge said, but he says that he still has the word and bond of the fans. “Edge is the greatest Superstar in the WWE” Foley has said, but it means nothing because the fans think he sucks! They see a cheating Edge every week. Foley says he can’t help Edge. Only Edge can help Edge Foley says. Mick wants the Edge to find the Edge who sacrifice everything in TLC and all the Hardcore matches.
Foley finishes by saying if The Undertaker sees THIS Edge… he will tear him apart!
Edge looks at Foley and says I understand then hits Foley with the mic! Foley and Edge fight outside the ring. “BANG BANG” Foley yells as he reaches for weapons. After kicking a chair in Foley’s face, Edge hits a SPEAR.
Edge than gets back in the ring as he sets up the ladder and table. The crowd is chanting “Undertaker”. Foley gets back in the ring, and Edge hits a low-blow and lays him on the table. He now grabs a chair and climbs the ladder. Edge looks psychotic as he jumps… hitting Foley with the chair right through the table.
Foley lays broken as Edge looks down at the destruction.
The Wright Take: This is what makes Edge the best heel in the business. Just showing up gets him heat. The promo was great, but Foley’s speech was amazing. One of the best Cutting Edge’s in a long long time. Great segment by both men.
“This was the Edge Foley was referring to earlier” J.R says as the show ends.
by Adam Wright…
The WWE Divas are known as the sexiest women on TV. But they are far more than just a pretty face.
Tonight, I will rank the top 5 Divas in the WWE today. Sure they are all exciting out of the ring, but which Divas are as exciting in the ring as well? Which WWE Divas are the best in-ring competitors?
(Please note this does not include TNA Knockouts)
#5 – Melina
Melina made her WWE Debut in 2005 alongside Johnny Nitro (John Morrison) and Joey Mercury to form the team MNM. The sultry Diva helped MNM to capture Tag Team gold, but she quickly showed us that she too can be dominant.
Entering the ring with an impressive “splits” on the ring-apron, she ensued a feud with one of the best Divas of all-time, Trish Stratus. Melina was seconds away from winning the Women’s Championship against Trish Stratus at the 2005 Survivor Series, but thanks to interference by Mickie James, Trish retained her Title.
It would take nearly 2 years before she got revenge, but in February of 2007, she defeated the WWE Champion Mickie James to win her first Championship.
With her impressive flexibility and speed, this 2 time WWE Women’s Champion is constantly in the Title race.
Melina recently suffered an injury which will keep her out of action for a bit, but you got to believe when she makes her return she will entertain the fans and challenge for the Women’s Title once again.
#4 – Beth Phoenix
Beth Phoenix made a definite impact from the day she debuted in the WWE in May of 2006. Phoenix showed the physical strength we haven’t seen since Chyna.
In 2007, she turned her pure strength into pure dominance. The self-proclaimed Glamazon and quickly captured the WWE Women’s Championship at No Mercy of that year against Candice Michelle.
She dominated on RAW for several months. We hardly see this physical dominance from a Diva.
However, in April of 2008, in what some call an upset, Phoenix lost the Women’s Championship to Mickie James.
Even though she does not hold the Title, I doubt there’s any Diva that can match her strength. The only reason she isn’t higher on the list is because of her fairly short time in the WWE.
#3 – Mickie James
Oh Mickie! She made her debut in 2005 as Trish Stratus’ #1 fan. Who can blame her right? But her admiration turned into an unhealthy obsession. Mickie mimicked Stratus’ every move, including her in-ring repertoire. Who can blame her right?
Ironically enough, Mickie James fought her idol Trish Stratus at Wrestlemania 22, and won her first Women’s Championship.
With feuds against Trish and Lita, Mickie learned from them, and become better and better.
The now 4 time Women’s Champion currently holds the gold. She makes my list because she has unbelievable talent in the ring, has won multiple Championships, and seems to be getting better as time goes by. Plus with impressive victories against virtually every dominant Diva in recent years, Mickie is will deserving the #3 spot.
#2 – Natalya (aka Nattie Neidhart)
“Natalya at #2? But she just debuted!” You might be thinking. This may be true; Natalya just recently made her WWE debut. BUT, wrestling has been in her life since she was born.
Nattie Neidhart is the daughter of Jim “the Anvil” Neidhart, which makes apart of the greatest family in Pro-Wrestling history… The Hart Family. So you know wrestling is in her blood.
Trained in the legendary “Hart Family Dungeon”, you know that she is bound for great this in the WWE.
Since her debut, she has dominated on Smackdown with her technical skills. She might be the most technical skilled female wrestler ever in the WWE.
With the new WWE Diva’s Championship being introduced on Smackdown, it is only a matter of time that Nattie captures gold, adding to the proud Hart family legacy.
#1 – Victoria
To me, this was a no-brainer. Victoria has been showing her talent for since 2000, and personally I think she has been underutilized since her move to Smackdown.
This 2 time Women’s Champion has feuded all the top Divas. Chyna, Trish Stratus, Lita, Jazz, Molly Holy and the list goes on. She is one of the most gifted Divas in the business today.
Her move to Smackdown in 2007 put out her out of contention for the Women’s Championship, which is too bad, because I’ve been dying to see Victoria vs. Beth Phoenix.
But things are looking up! Now that Smackdown has their own Diva’s championship, and with her friendship with Nattie, things can only go up for my #1 pick!
There you have it, my Top 5 current WWE Divas.
by Adam Wright…
A week ago, television host Stephen Colbert made the shocking announcement that he will become the new General Manager of the Toronto Maple Leafs.
Since then, the reaction of fans and media has been mixed. Some question his experience as a General Manager and his knowledge of hockey. Nonetheless, Colbert has been hard at work building a Stanley Cup winning team.
Today, he has called for a Press Conference to tell the people his progress, and where the team is going. The media and fans are jam packed in the Air Canada Center awaiting the words of the newly hired G.M. Stephen Colbert approaches the podium after pumping up the crowd.
Thank you! Thank You! Sit down please. Thank You!
Leaf Nation, since I was a named General Manager of the Toronto Maple Leafs, I’ve been busy as a beaver. Speaking of beavers, during my time in Canada, I haven’t seen ONE beaver yet! I’ve wanted to punch one of those suckers in the face for so long.
Anyways, as G.M., my duty is to lead this team to the Glory Land. This city is “The Hockey Center of The Universe”, but it hasn’t seen a Championship in so long, I don’t even remember when, mostly because in the 60s I was in pre-school spreading my anger in the playground.
Ladies, Gentlemen and media, I’m here to say the drought is over! I’m so confident of this because thanks to my “Star Power”, I’ve managed to create the great team in Sports, starting with the coaching staff.
Folks, a coach’s job is to tell the players what to do. Plain and simple! The right coach can’t be afraid to crack the whip. By the way, the team has invested in whips. I’ve managed to find the person man for the coaching job. You may of seen him of Fox’s “24”, ladies and gentlemen, the newest Head Coach of the Toronto Maple Leafs…JACK BAUER!
Jack Bauer walks on stage with Colbert and shakes his hand.
Please don’t kill me sir.
Jack Bauer laughs and takes a sit.
You see, no one will mess with Jack Bauer! And he is not afraid to get the job done, by any means necessary. That’s my kind of guy!
After some negotiations, I got Bauer a suitable Assistant Coach. He’s a pal of the man I gave the Colbert Bump, Mike Huckabee, you know him for his ass-kicking, I present the new Assistant Coach and Goalie Coach… CHUCK NORRIS!
Chuck Norris walks on stage and shakes the hands of Colbert and Bauer.
I hear the other teams craping their pants already! But it’s not over, there’s more. Every team needs a good medical staff, so I managed to hire the best person to lead the medical team! She plays a doctor on Grey’s Anatomy, so MUST know her stuff….KATHERINE HEIGL!
Katherine Heigl walks on stage, as the male fans goes crazy. She shakes the hands of all 3 men on stage.
I just remembered, I’m due for a physical very soon.
Look at this team! I don’t think anyone can beat this All-star team.
Now I know what you’re all thinking, why hire celebrities? It’s simple, people love celebrities! The fans will pack in the ACC night after night, and players will want to come to Toronto! And the players will not want to fail this team. Would you want to piss THEM off? I know I wouldn’t!
Now during Free Agency I’ll be working be I-Phone trying… NO… GETTING the best players in the NHL.
The Stanley Cup is coming to Toronto. And that’s my final word!
Stephen Colbert and his All-Star team leaves the stage as the media and fans take pictures of the future of the Toronto Maple Leafs.
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