Doc or Dave?

by Paul Haywood…

Don’t tell me Doc’s getting cranky about pulling too much weight for his crappy ballclub. Awww…suck it up nancy! Dave Stieb, you aint. You don’t even get to start whining yet kid. I mean sure, be a little peeved, and sick of the repetitive crap-out every year, but it pales in embarrassment to the work Stieb put in.
Buckle up Doc, you’ve yet to feel Dave’s pain.

Don’t get me wrong, Roy Halladay is one of the top 2 pitchers in baseball right now, which for me speaks more about the freakshow talent pool Stieb was up against in his prime; freaks like Morris, Guidry, Blyleven, Jim Palmer and his whole rotation, not to mention a juiceless Rocket.

Mr. Stieb gleefully ate 260 innings a year on average at one point.
In 1982, he went 17-14, wolfing 288 innings, for Juan Valdez money. He could be from another planet. Alas even with Upshaw’s 21 homers, and Dave the Martian, that ’82 squad got absolutely fisted in the standings.

Was Dave Stieb a better pitcher than Doc Halladay? on paper? grass?, clay?
For what it’s worth, paper doesn’t mean much, don’t believe me? Why is paper the first rung on the anniversary gift ladder.
“Good first year baby, here’s some paper…”
Divorce anyone? Probably written on paper, lots of paper.

Anywho… Stieb, Halladay. One was great, one has a chance to be greater still, with a fair amount of time on the clock. Then again, one has 103 complete games, the other, 38. With Roy and Stieb, it just might come down to, my crappy ballclubs were slightly better than your crappy ballclubs.

Maybe it’s today’s more caring policy to not burn out your ace’s arm by the time he’s 33.
Or maybe today’s bullpen roles are more defined.
Stieb pitched like he was intent on bailing out the titanic. Halladay’s handlers have done a better job economically plotting his burnout.

So Roy my boy, You don’t have to pitch the whole game every time out, we’re not in Cuba. Save your arm, this team isn’t going do it until you’re 40, and we don’t want you being the spare tire Stieb was in ’92, so just chill out and make your way to the life boats, you know, like last year…and, every year around this time.

The Leafs never win and always suck

by Paul Haywood…

People always wonder why the Leafs haven’t won in so long. I think we’re still paying off Harold Ballard’s bad karma mortgage. He may have put the Leafs into Karma receivership for all time.

Plans are in place for MLG to be converted into a supermarket. Why don’t we convert into a pile of dust? Who knows how much untold horror took place there? Why don’t they fuel up those archaic Sea-Kings, have the myth buster dorks come and RC them right through the roof? Nothing says you’re sorry quite like a flaming gas-ball. We could sell tix to the event, and buy helicopters that don’t smell like old date squares.

What I’m trying to say is, at least that ‘place’ literally wouldn’t exist anymore and the rest of the healing could happen. However we are talking about the ‘Leafs’ and ‘Sea-king’ helicopters, coupling that kind of doom, they’d probably break down enroute to oblivion.

By the way, yes, I’m a Leaf fan, which means I’m wise to the whole, “keep the faith” thing. I’ve reached a certain point. Don’t get me wrong, I do bleed blue and white, in fact I’ve been bleeding since Vaive Anderson and Derlago, it’s a wonder I’m not dead.

Kids today (and I can’t believe I used the term ‘kids today’) who say they bleed blue and white never bled during Nykoluk

Even as I type this I still feel a glimmer of stupid hope. Charlie Brown is a Leafs fan doomed to fall on his head forever. The team is controlled by the retired teacher’s pension fund, which makes money even though the product sucks. Yet, somehow each year, they charge more to watch them suck. Stupid hope and shameless hype is all we have to cling to, last year we paraded around the last team to get one win away from appearing in the cup final, pretty soon we’ll be parading the last team to make the playoffs, or play 500.

I’m tired of planning how happy I’ll be when the Leafs win. There it is AGAIN stupid hope.

If they ever win, the celebration will make the Jays run look like a dog’s breakfast.

If they won the cup even twice since ’67 we wouldn’t hoot and bark over two playoff wins like cave people discovering fire. Keep in mind there were still a few cavemen alive in ’67.

Sigh….Go Leafs Go…I guess.